2nd week into the SEMESTER!!
Wa shi lin LAO PEI!Haha, just felt bored enough to blog la. because I keep seeing Andy , Velda and Joy updating their blogs. Also the trend of doing the anonymous thingy... Seems fun la. But people sure guess who they are. Stupid analysts. STOP GUESSING LA!
When it comes down to blogging, I also suffer from writer's block man. Bloody same thing as Andre, must be due to the fact that hes just a plain dumb ass or something. :( haha just kidding man! Actually I do have many things to write about , but just shy about it la. Not used to this blogging world yet man. And I not so bo liao like HELIUM HEAD who always goes online and post like 2 times / day la. Thats damn free, even though Uni student liao (oops sensitive topic).Now I just think and write at the same time liao, because I ponder over what to write many times and SINGNET lagging like a KNN over the past few days. So if suay tio, and the words bo save , then at least no need think so hard to rephrase all this sai hahaha.
Recently, so much shit start to happen that I really wanna kick those shit away and just lay back relax and smell the god damn air without any troubles man. But its been hard la. But I really wanna thank alot of people man. Because I know that without them around to support/hear me out and whining like a real lamer I knew I would have been down and out and just depressed like a retard la. But with the help of them, slowly by slowly, the light shines. Its really like the feeling of when you are doing something you like, how exhilarated you become and how light you feel when you really start to let go. Its just something so hard to describe, but the elation or light hearted emotions you feel... really shows that you have moved a step forward in life. But this moving on/forward with life thing only happens when you really NUMB [NUMB DAMNIT] to it first, then slowly understand the logic behind for the NUMBING process and then tadah! your released. its practically like farting man because in front of people you act strong then control your fart, then you slowly control it and release it bit by bit, then after that just POOT out you go. haha. feels relieved? tell me about it.
I know I have done far too many wrong things and so many stupid things. Guilt and regrets already have sinked in. Improvements and changes are already underway. haha. But if its still so hard to be friends then I rather dont wanna keep it because I still wanna keep the essence/core of myself. I might be selfish or just plain retarded as it looks but seriously right, I DONT give a FLYING f**k anymore la. If you wanna be friends then be, and those dont wanna be friends can jolly well go f**k a mistletoe hahaha :) its really far too boring and shitty to even leak tears over this matters anymore, and definitely dont even warrant a reason to debate about anything. especially ******.
ok just to end this post, I will just summarised what I have learnt so far, from this painful lesson
1) to believe in people around you!
2) to be genuinely happy and not just fill it with empty happiness!
3) immerse myself in the wrongs of last time, realise what it is, seek forgiveness and honestly MOVE on!
4) not to waste time/tears or love on anybody who wont do the same for you
5) treasure and trust those people around until they break that certain knack that makes your distrust them!
6) be friends not foes!
7) the world just doesnt revolve around one person, and the cause for changes made should be solely for yourself.
ok la.. to really end it off, I do the anonymous thing. because I find it fun and I'm plain bored. PR is freaking boring to research!
list to 10 people, something you've always wanted to say to each, keeping it anonymous:
1) Knowing you for almost 7 whole years, I realised that you are always there for me, no matter how whiny and how spoiled I seem. Always! Even though sometimes I take your kindness for granted, you seem to give me more then enough chances. You always give me encouragement and support and more then always, give me the hope when I'm down. From now on, I vow to treasure you more because simply , your always there for me. The trust that can never be broken, the ball that will never stop rolling.
2) Firstly, I owe you a big apology for all the things I have done to make you feel unhappy. SORRY. But its great to see that finally, you 're happy with your life. Be it genuine or forced happiness, its still happiness and I'm glad that you are with someone who you think can be with you forever. Treasure him and not take him for granted but also remember, be wary of where you will be treading. I will always be here to catch you when you fall and I know many others will. Its hard to treat you the same anymore, but I assure you that I will try when the time is right.
3) There has been so many obstacles, hardships and difficulties that I feel that Heaven is being unfair to you. But still, you overcame them in the end and I can really say that I'm proud of you. Thanks for always listening to my brags,shits,whines. Also thanks for sharing so many insightful stories and words that really spurred me to become better and not dwell on the past. You know I'm always there for you no matter what happens.
4) HAHAHA you. your the one person who really felt the pain and understood me! We share so many problems thats so uncanny that I almost found it to be an omen. Gah, but I'm glad I found you as a friend because you understand me so well and even can listen to me in the wee hours of the morning and helping me through so much. It was from you that I learnt that if I was determined enough, I can surely do it. THANKS for putting this point across to me la hahaha. and of course, thanks for everything
5) woah. when I did find you, little did I expect that you would be willing to help me so much. I always thought that we werent close enough so you wouldnt strain your mind just to help me. But I was wrong, because you did indeed help me. ALOT! which mattered to me. thanks for finding me at the right time, because you did teach me some lessons in life which I appreciate alot. You really possess the matured and intellectual mind and I'm glad you have found the right person now!
6) your like the handy dandy life size love consultant and I have no qualms about coming to you and asking for your advice. If you advice would cost $$ I probably have raked up like couple of thousands in tabs. But your advice always make sense no matter how harsh it sounds and you always tell the truth. Great person you are!
7) piang you... just know you only and didnt know that we share the same emotional quota... which is little haha. everytime I have a problem I would come to you and no matter how busy you are, you would just put down everything and resolve the problem and encourage me! wow, its such a boost to know a friend like you. Sometimes I just wished we wouldnt go back and think about the past because *memories* and we just be random and crazy. But someday in the future, you will find that special someone you deserve. and trust me it will come. You know if you feel sad you also can come and find me one, put time put place. I BE THERE!
8) your like this little ray of sunlight you know. even where ever weeds grow, you still have that bright light to keep off the darkness. You can be counted as the rainbow, because your so colourful and bright. Never have I seen one day where you were unhappy about something. You have been a great listening ear and really the right piece of sunshine to trust!
9) the first person I came to after all the shit happened. you were unselfish about being there and also gave more then what I thought you would be giving. I regretted that I left you alone last time when shit hit you, because I knew how much it meant to have someone there to rely on. But thank you really, for being there and .... listening and helping to the best of your ability.
10) value added +1 haha. sound advice + 1 . lalala :) thanks
OK ENDED THIS OFF! bloody hell took 2 hours to type finish this thing... :(
/wrist
darryn :)
posted by Darryn @ 1/08/2007 10:58:00 PM
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